A little positivity

I am going to dare to say that for the first time in a very long time, I feel quite well.
Whatever 'well' means.
Well, I feel less 'unwell'.
I am making progress with therapy. I have reduced the number of times I weigh myself daily from eight or nine, to one.
It wasn't easy, it was very anxiety provoking, especially for the first two or three days, but after that the anxiety did not continue to build, instead it sort of slowed down. The anxiety remained in my mind but it was engulfing me the way I had feared it would. Then after two weeks of weighing myself once a day, the anxiety was almost gone.
My next challenge is to take that once a day weigh in, and turn into once every three days, and then into once a week.
That is a terrifying thought, but it's only terrifying for a minute. Because then I think, I have already reduced the amount of times by a lot, so I can do this.
As well as my weighing goal, I'm also aiming to reduce my laxative intake over the next two weeks.
This is a lot scarier than weighing myself only once a day.
I can't predict how it will go, taking laxatives has been part of my daily routine for three or four years now - I'm actually quite sure I pay for at least half of the workers wages at Sanofi.
But, like I said in my previous post, when things are difficult I have to think of what motivates me.

It quite simply comes down to this;

• I can be thin, restrict my diet until I'm only a handful of kilograms, I will satisfy Beelzebub and then either die, or live an empty life attacked to feeding tubes, but I will be thin.
• Or, I can eat a little more, exercise a little more, gain weight but also gain muscle, and have a happier and healthier life, doing the things I enjoy. Yes I will weigh more than I weigh now. No Beelzebub won't like it and he will criticise, but I'll be alive. 

A while ago, my mind was so controlled by my eating disorder than I would have chosen option one. I have made progress without even really realising, because I now choose option two. 

No matter how bad the day is, no matter if I can't make it out of bed, if I can't look at food, if I don't want to speak to anyone - still, option two.