The daily struggle

I am struggling. I think this is something that is often hard for people to admit, something people don't want to say out loud. 

Six months ago I would have said I was making some progress with my eating disorder, but within the last two or three months I feel as if I have taken several steps backwards, and actually things are much worse than they have been for a long time. I feel more depressed, more broken and beaten by this than ever before. 

It is a constant fight. A constant struggle, and it is so hard. 

It is hard to carry on, to wake up each day, get out of bed each day, go to work, and to do the things I have to do. 

In the last few months I have found myself looking more and more for a way to end the pain and torment I feel, or at least numb it for a while. 

I do not feel very strong anymore. 

I do not feel like I will overcome this eating disorder, I feel as if my life is one big battle and I am losing every single day.

Please, if you know someone who struggles with anything like this, reach out and show them some love, I'm sure they'll be grateful. 

'Thin privilege'

Recently I have seen a whole bunch of tweets and social media posts, about 'thin privilege'.
Posts saying things such as 'thin privilege is being able to go to the doctors with back pain and not being told to lose weight', 'thin privilege is being able to speak to a GP about anxiety and them not suggesting losing weight'.
This makes me angry on so many levels.
Firstly, it is doctors duty to raise public health awareness around weight issues. 
What is there to say that if a thin person went to the GP about something physical that the doctor wouldn't suggest they put on weight?
People presume doctors don't do this, but they do.
I have seen my asthma nurse several times in the past for check ups and she has suggested I put on weight.
I don't think people mean to be cruel when they post things like that on social media, but it is cruel. How can anyone say people who are thin are privileged, when nobody knows how awful their life might be. Nobody knows the battle they might be facing every single day, the battle that revolves around their weight and their image.
I know it can be argued that larger people who receive these comments, from doctors and the like, are being discriminated against for their size. I am by no means someone who thinks 'fat discrimination' is okay, it is not on any level. But the way to combat 'fat discrimination' is not to call thin people privileged.
To state that thin people are privileged to be thin, insinuates that larger people are not privileged.
It's ridiculous, there is no such thing as 'thin privilege', just as there is no such thing as 'overweight privilege'. We are all privileged to be on this earth, no matter what we look like. 

The big 2 5

I turn twenty five tomorrow. It's a scary thought. I know I'm still young, but there are a lot of things I expected to be different by the time I turned twenty five.
There are things that I didn't expect that are actually positive things; when I was eighteen and thought about being twenty five, I would have expected to have my career path sorted. Although I am on the path to my career, I didn't expect to be a student again studying for a second degree. But this is a positive thing and in this aspect I am pleased that my life didn't pan out quite as I thought.
One thing I didn't expect was to still be battling an eating disorder.
When I was eighteen I thought I would have it under control by the time I was twenty one. When I was twenty one, I thought it would be sorted by the time I turned twenty five.
Now here I am.