The road to any sort of recovery is usually always a long one.
I feel so far from any recovery that I wonder what will happen to me.
On good days, I believe God does have some sort of plan, in so many ways I feel it's unfair He has given me the eating disorder and the depression and I must overcome both. I wonder how I will manage this, I feel so far from overcoming anything right now.
On bad days, I have no idea what I believe or what I think.
I have now started a new antidepressant, as citalopram didn't benefit me.
As with many medications, the first few weeks are full of feeling nauseous and dizzy.
Days are long, empty and exhausting, and I struggle to see when this will end.
Days are dark, full of intricate calorie counting and punishing my body for being so disgusting.
When it's so dark, it's so difficult to see any way out, and so I sit and wonder what will become of me? Will this be my life forever more? I pray that this is not how it will always be.
'If you're going through hell, keep going' - Winston Churchill
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