I wish I didn’t have a voice in my head that randomly says ‘wow don’t your thighs look big?’, or ‘you must really regret that bowl of porridge’.
How can you kill a voice that lives inside you, goes everywhere with you? How can you destroy it once and for all? Maybe you can’t, maybe it will live inside me forever.
I’ve started seeing a private therapist and as terrifying as it is I know I need to put everything I have into this or I won’t get better.
She said it’s okay to feel like Ivor lost my identity, or rather than my identity simply is an eating disorder. I am completely defined by my illness, as it dictates every day of my life.
Keeping food diaries is horrible, scarier and more stressful than I thought it would be.
Having to be truly honest about the demons inside my mind is even worse.
I hope there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
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