The last few months have been the worst months of my life. The darkness has been unbearable at times. In the recent week or two I have tried so hard to eat a little more than I was, but it's difficult and I'm still not putting on weight. My laxative use renders me half paralysed at times and makes it impossible to sleep properly at night. My blood tests show my immune system struggling. My hair is starting to die and falling out due to lack of nutrients, and I feel weak almost all the time.
Due to how dark things feel, I decided to try and think about things I am grateful for.
I don't mean the big things in life that we are all grateful for, like my family, friends, my cat.
All very important things but I wanted to think about the little things that I probably don't even realise I'm grateful for.
-The fact my flat has a private garden, my garden is definitely my 'calm place'.
-The fact supermarkets sell low fat iced coffees.
-Tracksuit bottoms and slippers.
-The elderly couple who live a few flats away from me, whom I've never actually spoken to, but who wave whenever they see me.
-Johnson's baby bedtime bath soak, it smells amazing.
-My recent weekend stay in Somerset, I love that place and staying there reminded me how much I want to qualify so I can go and work there.
-One of my close friends just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Looking at this gorgeous baby reminds me I have to get better otherwise I won't ever be able to have a baby of my own.
On top of these things, I am blessed with a loving family and such caring friends. I know in that aspect I am extremely lucky.
Out of each week, I probably only have a day, or maybe two days, where I can see the good in life and the things I am grateful for. I also know if I carry on the way I am, my body will continue to shut down and eventually that will be the end. I know the fight is far from won but the things I am grateful for push me on.
'Reflect upon your present blessings' - Charles Dickens
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